OPINION: I've been sitting on my hands trying not to write this one. Predominantly because I believe we/me/society should leave pregnancy and pregnant women alone. Give them a break.
When you're pregnant everyone has an opinion. About your body, the sex of your baby and what type of birth you might have. Suddenly you become public property and for nine months you must endure a peanut gallery whose members range from the neighbours mother-in-law to a stranger at the supermarket.
Been there, done that. Twice.
I know all to well what it's like to be told 'you must be having a girl because it's stolen your beauty'. So Kim, it's important you know that I write this from a place of love.
What's up with the maternity outfits?
Someone has to let that poor girl know that fashion and pregnancy go together like socks and sandals. Or nails down a blackboard. That the second trimester is not the time to be posing in a pink, neon maxi underneath the statue of Jesus in Brazil. Or the moment to trial a dominatrix-inspired organza cape. Or a feather mini-skirt. Now's the time for elasticised waist bands and no under wire. Now's the time to take a fashion sabbatical.
In recent months Kim's undergone a major make-over at the hand of boyfriend Kayne West. She looks great. The Louis Vuitton Don is very serious about his fashion. He likes designer (preferably French) and he likes expensive, painstakingly re-stocking her closet with Givenchy, Celine, Prada and Dior. Directional, straight-from-the-runway labels have replaced her ripped jeans and bandage dresses. Now Kim wears the kind of clothes we're used to seeing on fashion editors, supermodels and Cate Blanchet. Not small, curvy, pregnant women.
I want to make it clear that this is not about how Kim's body looks. I am actually a fan of her curves. I've met her and she is a beautiful, beautiful woman. This is about how she's dressing that body. Maybe it's the hormones? But everyday she's managing to drive her maternity look just a little bit further into Crazy Town with the paparazzi chronicling each outfit. Every time she leaves the house there's a zoom lens trained on her bottom and she's handing them magazine cover shots on a plate. Tighter skirts, lowers tops, higher heels. On Monday she looked like one of those people who believe the Matrix is 'real' in floor-sweeping, sci-fi black. It's all body-hugging, see-through or both. I wonder... when you date a rap star is it a provision that you dress like a Video Girl even when you're a Baby Mama?
Kim's boobs have reportedly grown four cup sizes during pregnancy. Lord knows what that is in letters? Do they make L's ? Explaining her maternity style to Du Jour magazine she offered: "I think because I have big boobs it could make me look heavier if I don't, like, show off my waist or something". That's the bit Kim is missing. The part where her waist has been replaced with a baby.
Like most of us, Kim is having more of a Jessica Simpson pregnancy (who I think looked gorgeous) than a Kate Middleton one. It's just the luck of the genetic lottery. Despite eating well and exercising most of us experience major body changes during pregnancy. I know I did. I didn't mind either. Of course the transformation was tough but I gave in to the experience and retired my fashion wardrobe for a maternity one. In the end they were just a whole lot more comfortable than a corseted peplum strapped across my bump. I thought of them like clothes you wear on long haul flights - they do the job and you want to burn them at the other end.
If pregnancy taught me anything it was that people like me need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves (clearly, I'm still evolving), that fashion will always be there and that elastic is a truly happy place.
- Sydney Morning Herald