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4

I regret becoming a mother

Each day the sun rises, we have our day and then the sun sets. It starts the same everyday, ends the same and consists of the same daily grind each day. That would be fine if I enjoyed what happened in between sun up and sun down...but I very much do not. I have two sons aged 5 and 9. And to be honest I do not even know where to begin. I do not, in any shape or form, enjoy being a mother. I love them. Some may disagree with that statement. I do not want any harm to come to them, I am their most fierce protector from bullies or hurt feelings in anyway, I worry if they're warm enough, if they have a temperature, have they had enough to eat today and so on and so forth. I am not a completely cold hearted beast, my children are well looked after and cared for. But I do not enjoy motherhood and if I could go back I would I have never had children. I wish I could change the way I feel but after almost a decade I think that I am just not cut out for motherhood. I do my best but I wish I enjoyed it. A massive part of my problem is that my children are so badly behaved most of the time. I don't think my support people actually believe me as my children are so well behaved at other people's home; except their own. They fight constantly, they never, ever do as they are asked. My 9 year old has an attitude which I cannot stand and my 5 year old is just a constant pest to him. When we try and go out for outings they would be the most ungrateful little trolls I have ever seen and every drive home I swear I won't take them out again. Are there other mums out there that if they could actually shove their children back where they came from they would!? I look forward to the day when they turn 18 with pleasure, I will have them all prepared for flatting even if I have to finance it. I don't care as long as they no longer live with me. I wish I had the children all the other mums cherish every waking moment to be with. I loved the newborn to 4 years old age time...then all downhill from there. What can I do to make things more enjoyable?
Last comment by marky1 at 9:14 PM, 31 Oct 2014
9

Stay at home mum? Earn an Income?

Would anyone be interested in setting up a home based business? It is ideal for mums who want to stay at home with their children. If you would like to know more about this opportunity please send me a private message. I look forward to hearing from you. Laura x
Last comment by Aigul at 8:01 AM, 31 Oct 2014
68

Devasted every month / need some encouragement

Hi all, I have been TTC for about 9 months with no luck. Just took a pregnancy test this morning and it was negative. I was distraught. Every month I become convinced I am pregnant, and finding out I am not is so heart breaking. I really don't know what is wrong. I have had regular periods from day 1, and my husband got a sperm test and his count was way above average. My sisters both got pregnant with not much trying and my mum had six kids without even knowing about ovulation or anything. My cousins are so fertile, and most of them have had lots of kids, so I come from a family of great breeders. I have only been on the pill for about 1 month in my life, and that was years ago. I am pretty healthy (don't excersis enough, but eat well). Don't smoke and have all over good health. I just don't know what to do next or where to get help or advice. I went to the doc and she ordered and blood test to see if I had ovulated and I had. I do wonder if my sex drive is hindering us conceiving, it is very low and I struggle with having sex every 2nd day for the whole cycle. I am turning 31 in less than a week and I am losing hope this is going to happen for us naturally. Has anyone had a similar experience that could give me some advice and/or encouragement?
Last comment by Gabriela Andres at 10:59 AM, 29 Oct 2014
0

Picky with meat

Hi, I'm wondering if anyone has some helpful advice on toddler fussiness when eating meat. Our boy is 2 1/2 and eats well but is only really interested in sausages or mince meals (meat balls or loaf, spaghetti bolognese etc) and will not touch the chunkier versions of meat i.e. stirfry, stews, chicken, or roasted meats. He refuses to touch it even when we shred the meat up, and try to hide it in the sauce or with his veggies. Is this a common thing? And has anyone got any ideas on how we can encourage him to eat more (better quality and healthier) meat? He has ongoing problems with enlarged tonsils and adenoids and we are awaiting a hospital appointment to get that checked out so we wondered if it might be a tight throat making it more difficult to swallow chunkier things. Any advice or ideas greatly appreciated, with thanks!
Created by sandaleebrah at 10:21 AM, 29 Oct 2014

Pregnancy

68

Devasted every month / need some encouragement

Hi all, I have been TTC for about 9 months with no luck. Just took a pregnancy test this morning and it was negative. I was distraught. Every month I become convinced I am pregnant, and finding out I am not is so heart breaking. I really don't know what is wrong. I have had regular periods from day 1, and my husband got a sperm test and his count was way above average. My sisters both got pregnant with not much trying and my mum had six kids without even knowing about ovulation or anything. My cousins are so fertile, and most of them have had lots of kids, so I come from a family of great breeders. I have only been on the pill for about 1 month in my life, and that was years ago. I am pretty healthy (don't excersis enough, but eat well). Don't smoke and have all over good health. I just don't know what to do next or where to get help or advice. I went to the doc and she ordered and blood test to see if I had ovulated and I had. I do wonder if my sex drive is hindering us conceiving, it is very low and I struggle with having sex every 2nd day for the whole cycle. I am turning 31 in less than a week and I am losing hope this is going to happen for us naturally. Has anyone had a similar experience that could give me some advice and/or encouragement?
Last comment by Gabriela Andres at 10:59 AM, 29 Oct 2014
42

Terrified of having kids!

I know there's probably not many members on this site yet but thought I'd post anyway :) My partner and I have been ttc on and off and are battling infertility. We have been approved for publicly funded IVF and are scheduled next year. A couple of months ago I started really questioning if I wanted to be a parent. Like, REALLY questioning it - and since I brought it up with DH he has been questioning it too. So I am at the point now that I have thought so much about all the 'pros and cons' of parenthood, that I'm terrified of becoming a mother!!! I believe that if you are going to be a parent you need to be 100% committed to your child, and will to do anything it takes to give them a wonderful life. I have this romantic idea of our baby, and I hear that it's an amazing experience to watch them grow and learn and become a little person in their own right. But here's what I'm scared of - in no particular order: - getting ohss during IVF - the risk of early menopause due to IVF - the increased risk of breast cancer due to IVF - being crazy from the IVF drugs - childbirth, and what it does to your body - being a horrible shi**y cow because of lack of sleep once baby comes - being a horrible, shi**y cow for the foreseeable future because of lack of sleep - massive lifestyle change - will this make us really unhappy as a couple? - losing my carefree self and becoming an actual adult (please I'm quite serious) - my relationship with DH changing for the worse - the risk of birth defects as I am 36 - could we handle a child with special needs? I know parents of children with special needs and they are seriously *amazing* people, I'm not sure if could be that amazing without totally falling to pieces. So as you can see I have had much to much time to think - I would be so grateful if you - mums, and mums-to-be or even people questioning parenthood too - could give me your opinions, is it normal to get such hugely cold feet before IVF, or just having children in general? Should we see a counsellor? I honestly feel like I am right on the fence and can't see a path forward. And we do have to decide, as the IVF is booked! Help! So confused.....
Last comment by bellyup at 1:12 PM, 8 Oct 2013

Baby

25

How can I get her to take a bottle???

My darling littlest baby girl, now 8 weeks, is losing weight. She has a kidney condition, so is on antibiotics daily, for the first year of her life, or surgery, whichever comes first. She is breastfed, and latches on so easy, feeds beautifully, sleeps well, is placid and just a dream baby. BUT she is losing weight and has been for the last 4 weeks. My midwife and gp have suggested topping her up with a bottle, so we tried expressing after a feed til I had a decent amount, and would try giving her a bottle of BM once a day, which she wouldn't take. We tried all sorts of bottles, all sorts of teats, me, dad, and different people trying to feed her, different times of day, all sorts of things. Even tried using two types of formula to see if that would help. We've had really limited success, my mother got about 75 ml into her one night, and then about 2 weeks later, when a good friend was trying (again) she got 150ml of BM and then 80ml of formula into her. I need some tips please people. The fact that she has a chronic condition makes her weight loss quite a concern, yet all the lactation consultants, nurses, mothers groups, nursing groups, etc that I have rung and pleaded for advice, have basically told me that breast is best, and trying anything else is unfair to my baby, it will confuse her, interrupt my flow etc etc etc etc. I have been given domperidone from the gp to try and increase my flow, no luck so far, my BF made me some lactation cookies (she's awesome) but I am really struggling. I don't need to hear any more negative 'you're a bad person for trying a bottle' comments, I have quite happily breastfed my other children, I know breastmilk coming from a healthy mum is best for the baby IF mum can breastfeed, I know it creates a wonderful bond and so on. I need help with having her latch onto a bottle. I love breastfeeding her, and am not talking of giving up, but my baby is sick and losing weight, she needs more food. All I want is to be able to top her up with a bottle once or twice a day. Please help!!
Last comment by Charpeaches at 9:10 PM, 22 Jul 2014
35

Nappy Rash

Baby girl 10 weeks old is repeatedly getting nappy rash.. didn't really suffer this with my 2 boys. Doing the usual water and as much nappy free time as possible.. does anyone else have any ideas for preventing it? I'm not sure why she's getting it more than the 2 boys.. is it something i'm eating?
Last comment by KipT at 9:10 AM, 16 Jan 2014

Little kids

0

Picky with meat

Hi, I'm wondering if anyone has some helpful advice on toddler fussiness when eating meat. Our boy is 2 1/2 and eats well but is only really interested in sausages or mince meals (meat balls or loaf, spaghetti bolognese etc) and will not touch the chunkier versions of meat i.e. stirfry, stews, chicken, or roasted meats. He refuses to touch it even when we shred the meat up, and try to hide it in the sauce or with his veggies. Is this a common thing? And has anyone got any ideas on how we can encourage him to eat more (better quality and healthier) meat? He has ongoing problems with enlarged tonsils and adenoids and we are awaiting a hospital appointment to get that checked out so we wondered if it might be a tight throat making it more difficult to swallow chunkier things. Any advice or ideas greatly appreciated, with thanks!
Created by sandaleebrah at 10:21 AM, 29 Oct 2014
36

What do you do for childcare?

I'd be really interested to know what you mums do for childcare - when you first go back to work (assuming you do), when they are in school etc. Creche, au pairs, nannies? What's common in NZ? :)
Last comment by Dee-Attwood at 2:50 PM, 27 Oct 2014

Big kids

2

Home work not tablet or TV

I'm not a mum, I'm a dad, I have a 9 year old that would rather play on the tablet, looking after dragons, or watching tv, but the tablet comes first. On weekends its all day. As for the homework its been, oh I forgot my homework book, the teacher didn't give us any etc etc. We have moved to a new area and he's fitted in well so I don't see that as the big issue and the teacher thought he was very smart, his maths, she puts him in the next grade up when they do it because she said he won't learn anything in his class, she even gave him a quiz book to do as home work but after doing the first two pages it's now gathering dust. I myself, as a dad don't want him to lose what he has to stupid machines. I know tablets, computers etc are really going to be part of his life in the future. So please anyone have some good working ideas cause he's going to be 10 soon and all I see is that he has 2 years before intermediate and I don't want him to waste it. Thanks all
Last comment by NatNel at 3:28 PM, 26 Oct 2014
43

Bible Studies and Opting Out

I read the article about Jeff McClintock objecting to the Bibles in Schools programme reducing teaching/learning time with interest. This issue resonates with me as we are currently living in a small rural community and my son is the only child in our local school to be opted out of the programme. As such, there is one morning a week where he starts the school day at 9.30am as the school have no provision for children not in the programme. He struggles to understand why he is different to the rest of the class as kids being kids, a number of them tease him for being late. He is a very quiet child and uncomfortable with attention so it makes it all the more difficult to try and slip into the class with the minimum of fuss. My personal view is that State run schools should be secular and I am staunchly opposed to the Bibles in Schools programme but with my older child the experience of opting out was seamless and easy. He was at a Primary School where the programme was run after lunch, was actively promoted to parents as being entirely voluntary and the kids who didn't participate were allowed to visit the library for half an hour. There was never an issue and my son was never made to feel different or weird. But all this being said, it is our choice to opt out and clearly we have to accept the consequences, but where is this teaching time made up? During Term 1 alone we have had a couple of half days due to Parent Teacher Interviews, School Athletics and at least two Teachers Only Days (apparently Easter Tuesday is now an official school holiday??!!). I am fortunate in that I have been able to shuffle my work days around to suit but I really do question how we would have been able to manage had my hubby and I both still been working full time. And most importantly, the pupils are still missing out on 20 hours teaching a year so I'm right behind you on this Jeff - I struggle to understand how and why we are just expected to accept this without question?
Last comment by hillbillygirl at 2:07 PM, 23 Mar 2014

Family life

41

Are fathers important in their childrens lives?

My personal opinion is that yes they are very important. Which is why I was surprised to find this "parenting" site so PINK! I looked up pink to see what it meant and found this on the web : "pink is associated with sexuality, and purity. That is, a girl who is a virgin in heart and body." We, why are we going with a parenting sites designed for virgin's?? How about a more neutral colour and making a few dads feel welcome here. Maybe a change in name too like the posts in the Essential Dads thread that got shut down for some reason. Just my opinion. Was interested to know how other dads and mum felt about it?
Last comment by lanes at 1:28 PM, 28 Aug 2014
27

I want another baby - husband doesn't...

I am after a little advice. I am 36 and so definately fall in the older mum category... I met my husband 4 years ago and we discussed having children. He already had an 8yo from a previous relationship that is with us 50/50. I told him that I really wanted 4 kids, but would settle for 3 considering 'we' already had one. He told me that I could have as many as I wanted. Once we got engaged we talked about it again. I told him I wanted 3 biological and he said he wanted 1 more only. I told him that I did not want my child to be growing up alone (as their half sister would be over 10 years older so almost another parent, plus only with us half the time) and so I compromised again and said that I would agree to having 2 as a minimum and I wouldn't compromise again as I wanted 2 close together in age so they could play together. He agreed. We then got married and I now have a 21month old. I am wanting to TTC next year and had the discussion and was told that he had changed his mind, and doesnt' want any more, and I can't force someone to have a child when they don't want one. When I told him that he agreed prior to us getting married he told me that everyone can change their minds and he would prefer to pay the mortgage off faster than have another child. I am devestated. I feel like my family is incomplete, and I have no options as my husband says that he won't budge and will seriously have to look at our marriage if I push the issue... I only want my husband's children and I have no time to find another Mr right at my age anyway... I never wanted an only child which is pretty much what I have... and I don't want to 'accidentally' fall pregnant... anyone else been through this????
Last comment by at 10:28 PM, 15 Aug 2014

Mum's life

4

I regret becoming a mother

Each day the sun rises, we have our day and then the sun sets. It starts the same everyday, ends the same and consists of the same daily grind each day. That would be fine if I enjoyed what happened in between sun up and sun down...but I very much do not. I have two sons aged 5 and 9. And to be honest I do not even know where to begin. I do not, in any shape or form, enjoy being a mother. I love them. Some may disagree with that statement. I do not want any harm to come to them, I am their most fierce protector from bullies or hurt feelings in anyway, I worry if they're warm enough, if they have a temperature, have they had enough to eat today and so on and so forth. I am not a completely cold hearted beast, my children are well looked after and cared for. But I do not enjoy motherhood and if I could go back I would I have never had children. I wish I could change the way I feel but after almost a decade I think that I am just not cut out for motherhood. I do my best but I wish I enjoyed it. A massive part of my problem is that my children are so badly behaved most of the time. I don't think my support people actually believe me as my children are so well behaved at other people's home; except their own. They fight constantly, they never, ever do as they are asked. My 9 year old has an attitude which I cannot stand and my 5 year old is just a constant pest to him. When we try and go out for outings they would be the most ungrateful little trolls I have ever seen and every drive home I swear I won't take them out again. Are there other mums out there that if they could actually shove their children back where they came from they would!? I look forward to the day when they turn 18 with pleasure, I will have them all prepared for flatting even if I have to finance it. I don't care as long as they no longer live with me. I wish I had the children all the other mums cherish every waking moment to be with. I loved the newborn to 4 years old age time...then all downhill from there. What can I do to make things more enjoyable?
Last comment by marky1 at 9:14 PM, 31 Oct 2014
9

Stay at home mum? Earn an Income?

Would anyone be interested in setting up a home based business? It is ideal for mums who want to stay at home with their children. If you would like to know more about this opportunity please send me a private message. I look forward to hearing from you. Laura x
Last comment by Aigul at 8:01 AM, 31 Oct 2014

General

29

Anyone looked into cloth nappies?

I bought my first set of cloth nappies from a stand at a Parent & Child Expo. It was great becuase I could look, touch and try them, and ask questions. It was just one brand though, and there are so many different brands and styles and things to think about. Looking online just doesn't cut it becuase you can't compare and play with them. In the end I spent quite a chunk of money buying a variety from TradeMe before I settled on the system I was going to use. I wondered if this dificulty was a factor for other parents. Disposables aren't just convenient to use, they take absolutely no time at all to work out. And the cost benefits of cloth aren't that great if you go through the process I followed. What has your experience been? Did you consider cloth at all? If you use cloth, which ones do you use? If not, why did you choose disposables - just convenience, or were their other reasons too? NB people make the decisions that sit their own families, so disposables and cloth are just as good as each other in my opinion.
Last comment by MamaScamps at 10:00 PM, 28 Nov 2013
31

Essential Dads?

So, even though I'm a stay at home dad of a 9 month old baby, I guess I can't engage here. Because this is a site for mums only... or have I missed something?
Last comment by simoragn at 10:07 AM, 29 Oct 2012
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