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Recent forum activity

2

Heartbroken after first pregnancy miscarriage

Hi ladies. I am currently miscarrying my first baby, would have been at the 8 week mark today. It is thought the baby died at 6w3d, the same day as we seen a "good strong heartbeat" on a dating scan. I had brown discharge and light spotting on and off for about 2 weeks before we found out i had lost the baby, but after my midwife telling me that it can be normal and not to worry, i continued on as normal until the bleeding picked up a week ago today. Tomorrow i have another u/s to check i have expelled everything, and if not, i am being referred to a pregnancy loss clinic to talk about our options. As far as the actual miscarriage itself goes, its not as full-on and painful as i expected, just like the heaviest day of my period. Is that because it is only a 6w-old embryo? I think I may have passed the amniotic and yolk sac last night, about the size of a 50 cent and 10 cent coin. Im still bleeding and cramping today but its not as heavy or painful as yesterday. After struggling emotionally for the past week, I am surprisingly at peace with the actual miscarriage and feel a bit of relief that I' m closer to this whole process being over with. I am still struggling though with the idea of conceiving again to possibly lose another baby, but then on the other hand I also dont want to have to wait 3 months before we can try again as everyone around us is having babies, and doing so without any problems! I cant stand the "at least you know you can get pregnant" and "thankfully you weren't further along" comments. The baby was our baby the day i found out i was pregnant, and any apprehension we had went out the window when we saw the heartbeat. These comments and the general feeling that miscarriage is a secret best not shared has made me quite angry and i find i've withdrawn a lot from work and family (however thankfully i have an amazing and supportive husband who has been so INCREDIBLE through all if this). I've also cycled through the blame game - me, my midwife, the hospital, work, etc. Is that normal? There will definitely be things i would do differently next time (short of living in a bubble wrapped in cotton wool of course), but i worry i will be a nervous wreck with any other pregnancy looking for the slightest symptom & reading far too much into it. How do other people cope with subsequent pregnancies? Do midwives take extra precautions when there has been a previous miscarriage, even if it is only one?
Last comment by Mackenzie at 5:24 PM, 26 Nov 2014
18

Mum work while dad stays home with a newborn?

Hello everyone. Well after a long time of living life, and study (in that order) DH and I are finally ready to start our family. We are I guess slightly odd family in the sense that I am the breadwinner - having spend the last 3 years completing a degree and have now got a well paid job, while DH has part time work from home. Basically what this means is that I wont be able to take more than the 14 weeks paid parental leave, and will probably be going back to work and leaving DH as the stay home dad. I am just wondering if there are many families out there that have done this, or do this? I guess its becoming more common, but I also guess its still pretty strange! So far my family don't entirely understand this concept and think DH should be doing more to get more work, but he is unlikely to ever find work that pays as well as my job. I also work for a pretty good employer who may let me bring baby to work on occasion - not entirely sure as this has not yet been discussed, but I know other ladies do. Also my job is not entirely suitable to have a baby with me. Any tips on how to manage this? I'm really after any thoughts, feedback, advice that anyone has to offer.
Last comment by at 3:50 PM, 24 Nov 2014
14

work/children balance

Hi everyone, I am a 25 y.o. my partner and I are planning to conceive during the last leg of writing my ph.d. I will be finished sometime during 2014. I would like to take a year or two out to raise baby, then perhaps look into beginning a career in my field on a part-time basis. What are other Mums experiences with juggling career and children and how did you decide to manage the two? Do you have any opinions on whether you should have stable career before beginning a family, or should it be the other way around? I'd love to know what other people are doing/ have done!
Last comment by bestjob at 10:57 AM, 24 Nov 2014
2

Who can help me.I can't buy suitable Infant milk powder for my 8months old baby.

Hi,every mum.I am a mother from China .My baby eight months old.Now I can't buy safe infant formula for him in China.People who can help me to buy some milk powder from New Zealand to send to me? I would be very grateful.I will pay you all cost and pay you additional fees.My English is very bad.Hope someone can help me.thank you My contact information: E-mail:927810070@qq.com mobile phone:+86-13731161100 My name:Ting Zhen My address:Room 1-101, 6th Building,beicheng road 8,Shijiazhuang city, hebei province China 050071
Last comment by Unimpressed at 9:52 AM, 24 Nov 2014

Pregnancy

2

Heartbroken after first pregnancy miscarriage

Hi ladies. I am currently miscarrying my first baby, would have been at the 8 week mark today. It is thought the baby died at 6w3d, the same day as we seen a "good strong heartbeat" on a dating scan. I had brown discharge and light spotting on and off for about 2 weeks before we found out i had lost the baby, but after my midwife telling me that it can be normal and not to worry, i continued on as normal until the bleeding picked up a week ago today. Tomorrow i have another u/s to check i have expelled everything, and if not, i am being referred to a pregnancy loss clinic to talk about our options. As far as the actual miscarriage itself goes, its not as full-on and painful as i expected, just like the heaviest day of my period. Is that because it is only a 6w-old embryo? I think I may have passed the amniotic and yolk sac last night, about the size of a 50 cent and 10 cent coin. Im still bleeding and cramping today but its not as heavy or painful as yesterday. After struggling emotionally for the past week, I am surprisingly at peace with the actual miscarriage and feel a bit of relief that I' m closer to this whole process being over with. I am still struggling though with the idea of conceiving again to possibly lose another baby, but then on the other hand I also dont want to have to wait 3 months before we can try again as everyone around us is having babies, and doing so without any problems! I cant stand the "at least you know you can get pregnant" and "thankfully you weren't further along" comments. The baby was our baby the day i found out i was pregnant, and any apprehension we had went out the window when we saw the heartbeat. These comments and the general feeling that miscarriage is a secret best not shared has made me quite angry and i find i've withdrawn a lot from work and family (however thankfully i have an amazing and supportive husband who has been so INCREDIBLE through all if this). I've also cycled through the blame game - me, my midwife, the hospital, work, etc. Is that normal? There will definitely be things i would do differently next time (short of living in a bubble wrapped in cotton wool of course), but i worry i will be a nervous wreck with any other pregnancy looking for the slightest symptom & reading far too much into it. How do other people cope with subsequent pregnancies? Do midwives take extra precautions when there has been a previous miscarriage, even if it is only one?
Last comment by Mackenzie at 5:24 PM, 26 Nov 2014
5

Just about to start TTC and filled with anxiety.

Hello all, I have been reading the articles on this site for some time but this is my first post. I would like to reach out to this community for some perspective. I am nearing the end of my last cycle on birth control and we are about to start TTC, or at least that is the current plan. I have found that when I think about TTC I start asking myself if I am really ready endlessly. I think about all the things that aren't perfect and maybe if I wait a little longer they will be better, but at the same time I don't want to wait anymore. I feel this constant yo yo effect of 'yes I am' and 'no I'm not' and it shakes my confidence. I think about all the things I haven't done or experienced but then I wonder how important they really are when compared to becoming a mother. Then I have a calm moment when my husband and I are alone and cuddled up and the only thing I want is to start our family and then it begins again. Someone I know once told me that you hear a voice that tells you that you want to be a mother but logic and rational thinking drown it out and one day that voice is louder than reason and anything else in your life and that is the moment when you take the jump. I hear that voice loud and clear but sometimes I hedge. Is this just me? I thought I would know and leap confidently. What was this like for you? The frustrating thing is I am certain beyond a doubt that if I found out tomorrow that I was pregnant my husband and I would be fine. I am sure I would freak out a bit but I know in my heart that we would be filled with joy and that my husband and I would make it work no matter what. So I don't understand why if it was an accident then somehow that makes it easier and if its planned there is so much extra pressure? My husband while wonderful can be infuriating with his super calm exterior and it makes me wonder I am the only person that feels this way. I am relative new to the area where I live and I don't have anyone to ask if this is normal or share their experience with me. I am not ready to share the fact that this is on my agenda with my family so I thought I would reach out to all the wonderful people that make up this community. If you have the time please share your stories here. I would like to know what you were thinking and feeling when you started your journey to becoming a parent. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.
Last comment by DeeDee at 12:00 AM, 20 Nov 2014

Baby

2

Who can help me.I can't buy suitable Infant milk powder for my 8months old baby.

Hi,every mum.I am a mother from China .My baby eight months old.Now I can't buy safe infant formula for him in China.People who can help me to buy some milk powder from New Zealand to send to me? I would be very grateful.I will pay you all cost and pay you additional fees.My English is very bad.Hope someone can help me.thank you My contact information: E-mail:927810070@qq.com mobile phone:+86-13731161100 My name:Ting Zhen My address:Room 1-101, 6th Building,beicheng road 8,Shijiazhuang city, hebei province China 050071
Last comment by Unimpressed at 9:52 AM, 24 Nov 2014
0

Welcome to Baby

Let us hear your answer in our Questionbox!: I chose to "go organic" when I became pregnant______T/F? Visit us on: http://www.welcome-to-baby.com/
Created by ginoongtomba69 at 6:19 PM, 21 Nov 2014

Little kids

36

What do you do for childcare?

I'd be really interested to know what you mums do for childcare - when you first go back to work (assuming you do), when they are in school etc. Creche, au pairs, nannies? What's common in NZ? :)
Last comment by Dee-Attwood at 2:50 PM, 27 Oct 2014
20

Natural bathing products

Hi there I need some help, I have a 14 month old who has very sensitive skin and suffers from excema and wondering if anyone has suggestions for some natural products to use on her skin and hair. Any recommendations would be much appreciated. Many thanks
Last comment by deenamathew at 9:17 PM, 22 Aug 2014

Big kids

43

Bible Studies and Opting Out

I read the article about Jeff McClintock objecting to the Bibles in Schools programme reducing teaching/learning time with interest. This issue resonates with me as we are currently living in a small rural community and my son is the only child in our local school to be opted out of the programme. As such, there is one morning a week where he starts the school day at 9.30am as the school have no provision for children not in the programme. He struggles to understand why he is different to the rest of the class as kids being kids, a number of them tease him for being late. He is a very quiet child and uncomfortable with attention so it makes it all the more difficult to try and slip into the class with the minimum of fuss. My personal view is that State run schools should be secular and I am staunchly opposed to the Bibles in Schools programme but with my older child the experience of opting out was seamless and easy. He was at a Primary School where the programme was run after lunch, was actively promoted to parents as being entirely voluntary and the kids who didn't participate were allowed to visit the library for half an hour. There was never an issue and my son was never made to feel different or weird. But all this being said, it is our choice to opt out and clearly we have to accept the consequences, but where is this teaching time made up? During Term 1 alone we have had a couple of half days due to Parent Teacher Interviews, School Athletics and at least two Teachers Only Days (apparently Easter Tuesday is now an official school holiday??!!). I am fortunate in that I have been able to shuffle my work days around to suit but I really do question how we would have been able to manage had my hubby and I both still been working full time. And most importantly, the pupils are still missing out on 20 hours teaching a year so I'm right behind you on this Jeff - I struggle to understand how and why we are just expected to accept this without question?
Last comment by hillbillygirl at 2:07 PM, 23 Mar 2014
10

What's the Tooth Fairy's going rate these days?

The son of a friend of mine lost his first tooth while staying at his grandparents. The tooth fairy there decided to give him $20 (!!!) for the tooth. Not a great precedent, and now he's got a second tooth loose, his parents want to know what a more realistic price might be. Any suggestions?
Last comment by AnKi at 4:30 PM, 10 Mar 2014

Family life

18

Mum work while dad stays home with a newborn?

Hello everyone. Well after a long time of living life, and study (in that order) DH and I are finally ready to start our family. We are I guess slightly odd family in the sense that I am the breadwinner - having spend the last 3 years completing a degree and have now got a well paid job, while DH has part time work from home. Basically what this means is that I wont be able to take more than the 14 weeks paid parental leave, and will probably be going back to work and leaving DH as the stay home dad. I am just wondering if there are many families out there that have done this, or do this? I guess its becoming more common, but I also guess its still pretty strange! So far my family don't entirely understand this concept and think DH should be doing more to get more work, but he is unlikely to ever find work that pays as well as my job. I also work for a pretty good employer who may let me bring baby to work on occasion - not entirely sure as this has not yet been discussed, but I know other ladies do. Also my job is not entirely suitable to have a baby with me. Any tips on how to manage this? I'm really after any thoughts, feedback, advice that anyone has to offer.
Last comment by at 3:50 PM, 24 Nov 2014
41

Are fathers important in their childrens lives?

My personal opinion is that yes they are very important. Which is why I was surprised to find this "parenting" site so PINK! I looked up pink to see what it meant and found this on the web : "pink is associated with sexuality, and purity. That is, a girl who is a virgin in heart and body." We, why are we going with a parenting sites designed for virgin's?? How about a more neutral colour and making a few dads feel welcome here. Maybe a change in name too like the posts in the Essential Dads thread that got shut down for some reason. Just my opinion. Was interested to know how other dads and mum felt about it?
Last comment by lanes at 1:28 PM, 28 Aug 2014

Mum's life

14

work/children balance

Hi everyone, I am a 25 y.o. my partner and I are planning to conceive during the last leg of writing my ph.d. I will be finished sometime during 2014. I would like to take a year or two out to raise baby, then perhaps look into beginning a career in my field on a part-time basis. What are other Mums experiences with juggling career and children and how did you decide to manage the two? Do you have any opinions on whether you should have stable career before beginning a family, or should it be the other way around? I'd love to know what other people are doing/ have done!
Last comment by bestjob at 10:57 AM, 24 Nov 2014
94

Book Club - Sisters of Mercy

Hi everyone, We'll be holding the first online meeting for the Essential Mums bookclub tonight at about 7.30. Just come back to this thread then. We'll be talking about Sisters of Mercy by Caroline Overington. If you haven't read the book here's a sneak peek of the first 30 or so pages from the publisher's website. www.randomhouse.co.nz/books/caroline-overington/sisters-of-mercy-9781742750422.aspx If you haven't read this book then join the chat anyway and tell us what you have been reading.
Last comment by NatalieJames at 8:55 PM, 13 Mar 2013

General

29

Anyone looked into cloth nappies?

I bought my first set of cloth nappies from a stand at a Parent & Child Expo. It was great becuase I could look, touch and try them, and ask questions. It was just one brand though, and there are so many different brands and styles and things to think about. Looking online just doesn't cut it becuase you can't compare and play with them. In the end I spent quite a chunk of money buying a variety from TradeMe before I settled on the system I was going to use. I wondered if this dificulty was a factor for other parents. Disposables aren't just convenient to use, they take absolutely no time at all to work out. And the cost benefits of cloth aren't that great if you go through the process I followed. What has your experience been? Did you consider cloth at all? If you use cloth, which ones do you use? If not, why did you choose disposables - just convenience, or were their other reasons too? NB people make the decisions that sit their own families, so disposables and cloth are just as good as each other in my opinion.
Last comment by MamaScamps at 10:00 PM, 28 Nov 2013
31

Essential Dads?

So, even though I'm a stay at home dad of a 9 month old baby, I guess I can't engage here. Because this is a site for mums only... or have I missed something?
Last comment by simoragn at 10:07 AM, 29 Oct 2012
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